A few weeks ago, I was eating dinner with my kids when my oldest began a conversation about the upcoming holidays. I’m not entirely sure what sparked this discussion but he began sweetly expressing how much he loves the holidays — particularly, Christmas. I asked him what he liked about them and before he could even get a word out, my three year old exclaimed, “PRESENTS!” I laughed, completely expecting that answer from at least one of them — and out it came from my toddlers mouth without skipping a beat.
My six year old gave his little brother a side glance and let out a sophisticated sigh as if to say, “Kids these days.” He acknowledged he liked gifts but followed it closely with, “Mom, I just like the things we do.”
“I like building snowmen and forts, making cookies and decorating the tree…” “And decorating gingerbread houses!” his brother blurted out before he could finish. Every year before last, my mom would bring over candy and a gingerbread kit and sit at the kitchen table with my boys and decorate it. Two years ago we celebrated that tradition with our entire extended family decorating many, many chocolate gingerbread houses. All of it, clearly having an important impact on my kids, even at such young ages.
Back and forth they continued to exchange the sentimental gifts we share throughout the holidays with all of the traditions our family keeps during this time of the year — all of the things we do. That night, as we sat reminiscing over our families traditions I realized that while it hadn’t been a particularly cheery day, their excitement over the upcoming holidays was just what I needed to cheer me up at the end of it.
Later that evening, I gave more thought to what my son said, “Mom, I just like the things we do.” He vocalized in that moment what I have seen published so many times — traditions matter to our kids. Thriving on routines and knowing what to expect, traditions provide our children with the yearly routines they need to thrive — the things we do, matter.
Adults thrive on routines too. Waking up for breakfast, taking an afternoon walk, sitting down to dinner with family, and getting a good nights sleep are our day to day routines that help us feel a sense of certainty when so much uncertainty surrounds us. Our traditions are our own yearly routines sprinkled in throughout the calendar, the things we look forward to as the seasons change. Our traditions provide us with a sense of belonging and security, connecting us to those we love and our communities.
Yet, over the past year and a half, many of us have seen and felt dramatic changes to the yearly routines we had come to expect. Places we visit at the holidays, closed. Celebrations, cancelled. And many travel plans, at least on pause.
Adapting, we have had to pick and choose the traditions we keep, perhaps even starting new ones. And change can be hard, especially those yearly routines that may go back decades.
But an article from the National Geographic publication, entitled “Kids Need Holiday Traditions,” reminds families not only that keeping traditions are important for our children but that trimming down our celebrations and adapting during difficult times can also teach our children valuable lessons as well.
With many children still unvaccinated and families weighing the risks of large family gatherings, some may be opting to have smaller celebrations again this year. Teaching our children how to adapt our traditions during difficult times can be an important lesson for them to draw upon years from now if and when they face challenging times again.
Truth to be told, the disappointment of missing holiday celebrations together isn’t entirely new. Winter storms and cancelled flights have separated families before. And work schedules and sick kids have disrupted our plans time and time again.
I remember as a resident being scheduled for the Christmas holiday my intern year — which meant I was going to miss all of our families Christmas Eve and Christmas Day celebrations and traditions. And as I look back, I do vaguely remember working and feeling a little sad when I got my schedule but what I remember most was that three members of my family, my dad, my sister, and my brother, showed up to the hospital lobby with cinnamon rolls, the fixings of our traditional brunch, and a gift for me to open on Christmas morning. My holiday celebrations and traditions were different that year, but those cinnamon rolls are still part of my Christmas morning twelve years later. I missed large gatherings with my family that year for the privilege to care for sick children, and this year our large gatherings will look different again to keep my own children well.
Now several years later, it’s my husband who often has to work one of the holidays each year, and we brainstorm ways to make sure he is part of the festivities, ensuring that he still gets to participate in all of the things we do.
So what are the things we do?
Well, I have my own thoughts but I decided to ask my kids this year. In fact, I smiled when I read that National Geographic article that I mentioned above. In that article, the author suggests parents ask their children what traditions are important to them — what are the things we do that really matter to them? I smiled because I had spent the day before I read that article, discussing with my children over lunch how they wanted to spend this Thanksgiving and what was important to them.
Without the travel plans we had been anticipating or a large family gathering, I was feeling a bit uncertain about our holiday. But taking out a children’s book about Thanksgiving for inspiration and sitting there with them as they ate and rattled off the dishes they wanted to see on our table, I felt hopeful. After a backyard Thanksgiving scavenger hunt with friends earlier that day, my oldest listed off all of the fixings he could remember. A turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, green beans, three different pies, and a cook to prepare it all. My youngest wanted to serve everyone and my oldest wanted to use his new writing skills to record what everyone wanted. My oldest also offered to prepare the green beans this year and with the necessary supervision and guidance, I was excited it would be something we could do together — something he showed a particular interest in. They both recalled our modified morning turkey trot from years prior, and I reminded them of the parade and our traditional sticky buns we devoured during it.
My husband had just a few hours prior emailed me a suggestion for a Thanksgiving turkey we could order in, his attempt to keep things simpler for us. I appreciated the though but reminded him of the beautifully bronzed turkey we made together last year. An activity that started one year ago when it was just us for dinner but repeated again this year, would become our tradition. My husband giving me a nod from across the table, afforded my boys the opportunity to once again see their mom and dad prepare a turkey together — our family’s Thanksgiving trophy. Wrapping up our plans for the day together, my four year old chimed in all of the family games we could play while my husband and I anticipated the football game we would watch together once our children fell asleep.
Listening to my boys talk about going for a morning walk, enjoying the parade, playing games, and the delicious feast we would make together, helped me refocus. Their energy contagious, I started formulating a plan for that fourth Thursday in November and plans for the days that followed close to home. Our time off together from school, work, and over-scheduled activities would be important, it would be filled with all of the things we do.
Our families celebrations and traditions together are the big picture in my life, the time that fills me with hope and joy amongst the daily routines and their notable struggles. I don’t always eat a wholesome breakfast, I might not get in that walk, my family dinner might be on the road, and my sleep is pretty much always cut short. But those yearly routines, those are the ones I stop everything for. They are the ones I have always prioritized, the ones I expect — my big picture in the midst of the craziness of my day to day. They are the things my family does together, and the things I need to preserve.
Having young children, we will tailor those traditions down to what we can do, using simpler recipes and short cuts, buying the pie crust — focusing less on the labor and the products, and more on the time together.
These traditions are important for my children. They help to form their identity, a sense of belonging, and increase their sense of security in an otherwise often uncertain world.
Yes, our traditions, are important. They are all of the things we do.
And this National geographic article is worth the read.
https://www.nationalgeographic.com/family/article/kids-need-holiday-traditions-coronavirus
While I hope you enjoy reading my posts, kindly be advised that the words in this article are not medical advice and I cannot guarantee that they will work for you or your family. They are my reflections on parenting my three boys, based on my own personal background and experiences. Always reach out to your own health professionals for any questions or concerns. Please read my full disclosure at the bottom of this site for more information. Very sincerely, Mamma P.
