January is usually the month of each year that I spend organizing and decluttering my house. After the hustle and bustle of the holidays, I like the simpleness that January brings, the quiet in this time of year. I often would use this month to meet a friend for coffee or tea, read a good book I’ve been putting off, or play games with my kids. I find comfort this time of year in both warm soups and in settling back into our routines.
But this January has felt colder — and not just the temperatures outside. It has been harder than usual to settle back into our routines and to find time and motivation to declutter closets and organize our life. It’s been harder than usual to find time for those moments of quiet and leisure.
As I scroll through social media and read news articles, I don’t think I’m alone. I think many families have had a hard time settling back into their routines after the holidays. January has been far more chaotic and stressful than restorative and relaxing. And it has been tough on parents, particularly, moms.
So as I started to think about creating seasonal themes for my blog, I kept all of this in mind. I wondered what could connect us with our kids and be a way to ask others for help that is simple and yet, can also be instrumental in both raising healthy children and promoting our own confidence as parents. Many moms, and their kids, need a win right now.
The answer I came up with and the theme for this winter is books, reading books to our children. I know this idea doesn’t seem particularly inventive but I encourage you to keep reading. I will tie it all together. And if this seems like something you already doing, then it’s going to be even simpler to see the positive effects.
The key to me prioritizing reading to my children as an activity beyond a few books at bedtime, was when I started to really understand how important it was for their health and our relationship. I began changing my mindset as I read, feeling empowered that despite all of the challenges that come with parenting, reading to my children was something I knew I could do everyday that would benefit them. I engaged with my children more during story time and I found reading to them calming. I looked forward to it. And the more I read, the more I saw the positive effects it had on all of us.
This past November, I attended the American Academy of Pediatrics National Conference virtually. It was a wonderful conference but there was one lecture that particularly struck me, a lecture I listened to twice. This lecture was given by Dr. Perri Klass, a pediatrician, who spoke about the role books have in building resiliency in children.
In her lecture, she talked about the many benefits of reading to our children. Reading books promotes positive interactions and increases the language exposure and conversation between children and the adults reading to them. Reading to children builds routines and teaches skills that later prepare them for school. And finally she added that reading to children, “Provides moments of security and safety that can buffer toxic stress.” It was that last statement that was particularly powerful. I started thinking about all of the stressors parents and their children are facing today. Whether they meet the definition of toxic stressors or not, many families are under an enormous burden of stress right now. And I thought, if reading to children can buffer the most noxious of stressors, couldn’t they be a positive intervention for families regardless of the types of stress they are under? There’s not much risk in reading a story to a child, so long as the content is appropriate, but there’s potentially, incredibly high rewards.
We often hear about promoting literacy to aid in children’s development but do we promote it to help them feel safe? To help them feel more secure? And to help buffer them from stress?
What intrigued me most about her lecture was the simplicity and practicality of a single action that we can take to improve the health of children, to help them feel safe, supported, and secure despite everything going on around them. Reading to children builds the strong relationships that they need. And it’s something families can begin right now, today.
Finally, Dr. Klass also spoke about how reading to our children may have benefits for parents too. She spoke about how it increases parental self-efficacy and may aid in decreasing parental stress. I happen to agree with her. Somewhere along the way, I learned that reading to my kids was not only important for them, it was important for me too. Reading to my kids during particularly challenging times, has improved my confidence as a parent knowing that I am connecting with my children and offering them something positive. When searching for answers to tough questions, reading books to my kids seemed to at least solve the question of whether I had done something right for them that day.
In fact, it was just a few weeks ago, when I told someone that one of my biggest stress relievers is reading books to my kids. Before listening to Dr. Klass’s lecture, I don’t ever recall seeing in print or hearing self-care advice that included reading to your children. But it has been a stress reliever for me for quite some time. Reading a book to my children is tangible, it is feasible, and it is possible when other forms of self-care often seem out of reach.
Don’t get me wrong, reading to my kids is not the only way I take care of myself. Of course, I find stress relief in yoga, running, healthy eating, and getting enough sleep. I enjoy hobbies like cooking and reading and even drawing. And I love building strong relationships with the adults I love and adore that surround me — my family, friends, and neighbors. I prioritize them as much as I can, but in reality, it can be hard to do.
As I find myself in a downward dog pose during yoga, my child has also found himself a bridge to crawl under, climb, and giggle his way through — not exactly restorative yoga. As I hop on the treadmill for a run, my child sees an open invitation to interrupt me to reload Paw Patrol seventeen times when it stops working as I try to listen to music on the same poor wifi signal. So of course, to run, I stop, and then I run, and then I stop again, over and over again. Chatting with friends is frequently interrupted by children needing batteries for a toy they haven’t played with in months, to which I oblige and replace batteries thinking it will buy me time. And then it turns out, that toy sat for months because it’s just not that fun and they are right back to interrupting me for something else. Cooking around dinner time for young kids is to get food on the table and not exactly to fulfill one’s culinary creativity. Reading is a page or two before I fall asleep, drawing is stick figures with crayons, and getting enough sleep hinges on the fact that everyone else in my house is sleeping — so then there’s that.
Yes, in a perfect world, moms would have self-care built into their lives through the support of a village. It wouldn’t be on her to find the time. It would naturally be built into the flow of the day as household tasks are divided by many instead of one. For example, I imagine living in a society where families lived closer together and ate dinner with one another. One family member could occupy children while a mom cooked with an older child or another family member and used that time to catch up and chat, connect and foster their relationship. Seems quite nice actually. But that isn’t reality right now, at least not in my house. I’m cooking while helping one with homework, offering suggestions for another to keep him from disturbing his brother, and ensuring a one year old doesn’t get himself into trouble. My cooking is often defrosting a freezer meal and adding a vegetable. If its fancy, it’s a sheet pan meal of meat or fish, potatoes, and a vegetable. As I cook, I’m running a to-do list in my mind of what needs to be done before I go to bed and tomorrow begins. I’m thinking through the days events and what I need to discuss with my husband when he gets home. And finally, I’m making sure the dog doesn’t eat the dinner I just made for everyone. It’s not exactly a stress relief.
So what can we do with our children to find moments of calm and quiet? Those restorative moments that reinforce we are giving our children positive experiences that they need to grow and develop healthy and thriving. Moments that let us breathe and embrace our children while they are little, while they are still growing, and while they still need us.
We can read to them.
Reading to my children allows me to feel like I’m doing something right knowing all of the positive benefits Dr. Klass presented in her lecture. I find comfort in knowing I’m helping my kids to build a foundation to learn, I’m playing a role in introducing them to the language that will allow them to communicate in the future, and I’m facilitating a safe, stable, nurturing relationship with me that they need to thrive. I also remind myself that reading to them and the relationship we are building, may help buffer them from some of the unexpected moments in their life ahead that I am not anticipating but still from time to time, I worry about. I find peace and comfort in knowing I can’t prevent everything that lies ahead, but I can support my kids through it. And this simple act of reading to them is the building blocks for that. I keep this all in mind when I sit down to read with my kids. Thinking about all of this is what allows me to relax, that takes whatever I’m otherwise thinking about and lets me focus on what I can do right now. And thinking about all of this reminds me that when I am reading to them, I am doing something that is beneficial for all of us. As I relax, my kids relax, and we all settle in for story time.
And you know what? That’s not even all of the possible benefits of reading to my kids. Recent evidence suggests, reading to children may have a positive effect on their health, decades later.
According to the fourth edition of the American Academy of Pediatrics Bright Futures Guidelines for Health Supervision of Infants, Children, and Adolescents, reading to children before the age of five years old is one of five protective factors that can lead to a positive effect on the trajectory of a child’s health over their lifetime and may even impact future generations. Reading to children can have lifelong benefits to their health and perhaps, positive implications even down the road for their own families.
Wow. When I read that, it was incredibly empowering. Eating broccoli was not one of the five protective factors listed — reading to my children was. And even though my oldest is beyond five, I am sure he still benefits when we sit down together and read one of the books he’s selected. We connect through his interests and there is an unspoken love and support between us as we flip through the pages that build and reinforce the strength of our relationship, our bond as mother and son.
Reading to my kids is simple, it’s powerful, it’s important for their health, and it’s something I can do today. And I can feel good about it.
Stay tuned for next week when I will share several tips for how I create an environment for calm and quiet story times that foster and encourage positive experiences with my children through reading.
