Last week I shared an article about the importance of reading to our children and the benefits that can extend beyond our them. Reading books to them can also have positive impacts on us as parents. If you haven’t read it, I encourage you to! Moms, dads, grandparents, friends and family — it’s an important read. But what I wanted to share this week was how I find time to read to my kids amidst our busy schedules and use those story times to foster stronger connections between us.
1. Reading is an activity.
Whomever said that activities for our kids need to be organized sports, after school clubs, trips to the zoo, and berry picking, was, in my opinion, partially right! Those activities have their benefits and they can be fun in the right setting — if it’s not too hot or too cold, if the timing works with your schedule, if your child shows interest, if you have dinner planned ahead of time, if your child doesn’t have homework, and if your other kids can tag along without too much inconvenience. When all of the stars align, many of these activities can be fun and well worth the time put into planning them. But the point is, many of the activities that we do with our kids are costly and often need the best of circumstances to be successful. Otherwise, it’s only a matter of time before we all meltdown. But reading is different — we can read for free and we can do it just about anywhere. And it definitely does not require glue sticks or glitter.
Reading to my kids is given the same priority as sending them to school, signing them up for extracurricular activities, and establishing other healthy habits such as adequate exercise, sleep, and nutrition. And it’s by far the simplest of those priorities. It doesn’t require me researching the ideal preschool, transporting them back and forth from extracurriculars, or ensuring they got outside in the rain to move, got to bed on time, and ate their peas. But reading to my kids is an activity on its own, a priority that is as easy as picking up a book and reading to them.
Since my oldest was a baby, I have read to my kids in our family room. Sitting down with a stack of books, I would start reading and waited to see how far into that stash we got. Sometimes my kids are eager for more, and sometimes we read a few and move on. But those story times during snack or before dinner are often the quiet time we all need to reset before heading into the evening.
Reading to my kids is also an activity that isn’t pressured — there’s no competition. It’s comforting and it’s inviting to all. And when my family is starting to feel the stress of being over-scheduled, by sitting down and reading to my children, it actually helps us all recover.
2. Reading is interactive.
Over the years, reading with my children has become much more interactive and I credit that to a few of my children’s teachers.
I have always welcomed by children’s questions as we read — except when I was exhausted, so actually probably not always. However, as I began to understand how important it was to allow the questions for my kids own reading skills and comprehension, I started to encourage their “why’s” and “how’s” much more. And I started carving out more story times during the day, often on weekends, so I wasn’t just reading to them when I was tired. Many books were written for a purpose and I like trying to explore why with my kids. Besides, relationships are built on dialogues between each other — not just one person speaking. Talking to my kids while I read encourages conversations between us that further increases my ability to connect with my kids.
As my kids and I talk about the pictures and what they think, their opinions and ideas are valued and encouraged. They also often open up and talk about topics they learned about in school when otherwise I would have no idea what they did at school all day. Reading to them and encouraging a dialogue often affords me the opportunity to hear more about their life away from home as we read together.
Reading with my toddler, however, is grossly different, but nonetheless, interactive. He enjoys searching through the bookshelf for books filled with all sorts of textures, flaps, and mirrors to stare at himself. Pressing his nose right up to those mirrors, they aren’t clean, but they make story time fun. Enjoying a book with him is as much of a game as it is reading — and there’s no shortage of giggling between us.
Reading to my children is the positive attention they crave.
3. Reading is everywhere.
I keep books all over my house. Books stacked on my dresser, are pulled out to entertain my toddler while I get ready in the morning. As I apply deodorant, brush my hair, and put on make-up, I read the large text from my son’s board books as he flips through pages, staring jubilantly up at me as I read.
Books line each of my boys’ closets, easily accessible so they can choose exactly what they want to read. Wanting them to be able to see the books that interest them more than I care if their clothes match when they dress themselves, I place more emphasis on the neat organization of our books than I ever do their dresser drawers. Sweatpants are stuffed in their drawers but their books? Those are put back where they can find them.
Having books everywhere allows us to transition easily from a tough moment to an easier one with reading materials readily available. A meltdown transitions from discussing the issue at hand, and then quickly to a hug and reading a book, reinforcing our unconditional love and compassion for our kids.
A bookcase in our room holds books that I change out depending on the upcoming holidays and seasons, or transitions and challenges. Books that get us in the spirit or are there when we need them.
Sometimes books are left on our kitchen stools and one of my children will pull it off and hand it over to me as I’m putting away leftovers. Just the other night, I decided to seize the moment and I sat down next to the fridge and read my toddler a board book he handed me. And out of the corner of my eye, I watched my two older boys stop what they were doing and walk slowly over to listen too. That moment felt like magic. It was like the part of a movie when a child believes an object has magical powers and curiously walks over towards it. It was as if that book was magic. And you know what? It was. Because after I finished reading, my kids were shockingly calmer — a stark contrast to the chaotic scene that usually unfolds after dinner. I directed them to bed shortly after — and they went! The next part of our evening was perhaps one of the easiest bedtime routines we’ve ever had. So, while I don’t usually have a stack of books in the kitchen, I think I’m going to start.
Books are tucked into backpacks for an impromptu story time when we get stuck someplace. And they can even help entertain a tired and hungry kid, at least for a little while. We take books with us to doctor’s appointments and they can have a surprisingly, calming effect. In fact, every month, I see firsthand how this works. My oldest receives monthly allergy shots and following his injections, he has to wait thirty minutes to monitor for reactions. Sitting in the waiting room, we read. And as I read to him, he seems to forget about the painful experience, and we leave the waiting room on a positive note.
As a side note, I do need to warn you that reading in a waiting room might encourage eavesdropping. Little ears, and even those of parents, will tune in and before you know it, you have just created your own story time in a doctor’s office waiting room. And if that happens, well, hopefully you don’t have stage fright because your performance has probably been appreciated more than you know. I have had children who were listening, come over to me and talk to my son and I about the books they enjoy at home. Books have a powerful way of connecting us in an incredibly simple way.
4. Reading is free of distractions.
Ok, reading in my house isn’t entirely free of distractions. While I’m brushing my hair, I might pause to answer a call while I’m reading to my toddler and when I’m reading at bedtime, my little one is likely going to crawl off my lap to play. But I was once told that if your toddler does this, keep reading when they wiggle off.
But when I’m reading to my kids during the day to change the tone in our house from chaos to calm(er), I read to them in a place that isn’t cluttered by toys. We often retreat to our family room and sit by the fireplace or snuggle up on the couch and I read but I’ve even read to my kids in an upstairs hallway. Anyplace free of distractions — I certainly don’t need to see a pile of tasks I need to attend to either!
Truth be told, I have even left my house to avoid distractions. Sometimes it’s as simple as bringing a stack of books outside, setting up folding chairs or a blanket, and reading. We have read on our playground in their clubhouse and on the driveway where we picked up chalk and drew a road that led them to a library. Driving their toy cars, they heed traffic signals and then pull over, park and get to listen to a story time. Sometimes I even add a snack table next to the road and they stop at a drive-thru on our driveway on their way over. Sitting in lawn chairs, with snacks, they listen to me read.
I have also brought my kids to parks and the canal in our town to read as they enjoy a special breakfast we picked up or other takeout item. We have packed picnics to eat before a hike and I’ve brought books to read to them while we fuel up before our trek. Then I hand my husband a book and it allows me to finish my meal!
Regardless of where the story takes place, I bring them somewhere where we can all focus, connect, and get lost in the pages of the book.
Although it’s expected and we often embrace the juggle, there’s a lot of stress that comes with juggling everything in parenting. Our brains are firing constantly, so I stop the juggle. I leave the rooms full of toys and my to-do list, park my phone in the kitchen, and I move to a space where I can be fully present with my kids in an imaginary world created through a book. As I read, I try to imagine my children listening to the story and how with their imaginations, that book must come to life. I get distracted by the pages, not the juggle. As I read I listen for their giggles, I don’t just hear them laugh. And I giggle with them.
I love pulling out books that I know are sure to bring out a belly laugh in my kids, especially when we all really need it. Reading “Sorry (Really Sorry)” by Joanna Colter, I know my kids are going to laugh when bird says, “tweet, tweet, you stink.” It’s guaranteed that they are going to either ask me to read it on repeat or say it themselves over and over again — and we are all going to have a good laugh. I owe it two very special family members for sending that book in the mail to my kids during the peak of quarantining during the pandemic — we have had many story times with that book.
5. Reading builds our villages.
Understanding the benefits of reading to our children from my post last week, we can share these benefits with the adults in our children’s lives that we trust. We can promote reading books as a tool to build safe, stable nurturing relationships between our children and other trusted adults. And it is a simple, tangible way to start building those relationships today.
Family and friends, near and far, can read books. If they live nearby, story times can be a simple activity that does not depend on the weather, opening our wallet, or detailed plans. It’s an activity that most of the trusted adults in our children’s lives can engage with them on. Sitting on the floor, they can page through board books with a toddler or grab a favorite snack and read with a school aged child on a park bench. They can read in the middle of winter, outside under the stars with hot cocoa or during the summer, savoring popsicles.
When out of town friends and family come to visit, they can bring new books, books from their homes, or books from their local library. They can ask kids for requests about a topic and take the time to speak to a librarian or a bookstore manager before they arrive. They can take children on trips to their local library or a bookstore to select their own. A rainy day activity can be reading and exploring books, bringing them to life through a child’s imagination.
Friends and family that aren’t able to travel can read a book through zoom whether they are distanced because of an illness or because of the true miles between them. They can ask questions while reading which keeps children engaged, especially when they select a topic that kids are interested in.
Some school aged children and teenagers, still enjoy being read to. They might also enjoy talking about a book they are reading in school or for fun. Reading a book that a teenager is reading in school can be an incredible opportunity to connect with them through discussions about the characters and the plot. They might even give you details about their school day.
Parents, family members, and friends can also listen to an audiobook with a child and pause to discuss the book if reading is difficult. Sometimes when I’m listening and not reading, I can actually pay better attention to the story and engage with my children better than if I was reading and letting one part of my brain read while the other gets distracted thinking about something else. Listening, I pay attention to the words and I often have more to discuss. It is a fantastic benefit of modern technology that allows families to still connect through literature.
Reading with children is important for building relationships with trusted adults which help foster a supportive foundation for a healthy life ahead of them.
Stay tuned for next week when, I’ll be writing a piece written for dads with many more ways to interact with kids through books and their favorite characters. You won’t want to miss that one!
