It’s the most wonderful time of the year. The absolute, without a doubt, most wonderful time of the year! The lights sparkling through the streets, decorated trees shining through windows, and the majestic twinkle in the eyes of young children, all together breathes the common phrase, “All is calm, all is bright.” Each element adding to the magic of the season!
And yet, when I scroll my social media feeds they are filled with overwhelmed parents juggling the season. Panicked parents trying to find that one particular holiday gift for their children to keep the magic alive, a seemingly impossible feat at times. It’s certainly not as simple as asking an elf in a shop next door to build it, although it would be nice to have neighbors like that. Exhausted parents juggling the thoughtful gift selection, wrapping, holiday parties, concerts, charity donations, holiday decor, and so much more.
All of this effort while many parents are tasked with moving a red elf throughout the house that will ultimately decide if that special gift even makes it under the tree, an outdated approach to raising children to think they are naughty or nice. An approach offering the ultimate consequence to kids by punishing them with no presents under the tree. Many of us feeling torn knowing that positive reinforcement of good behaviors is far superior to calling a child naughty and threatening them with coal. This internal struggle is accompanied by our massive to do lists this time of year, if we can even find them. In fact, if you are anything like me, your lists that perhaps throughout the rest of the year were in an organized planner, have become various post-its and scraps of paper scattered throughout your house. It can all feel overwhelming and also, seemingly, expected this time of year. Because according to society it’s Santa who brings the gifts, but it’s moms who create the magic. We can’t lose the post-it note, can’t drop the ball on the ideal gift, and can’t miss one holiday event.
Yes, the most wonderful time of the year is also the second time of year when pressure is placed on moms to keep it all together, checking the list at least twice, and making sure every single task is complete. The other time I see and feel this pressure myself is during the first few weeks of school. But at least then the consequence of a dropped ball doesn’t result in a loss of the “magic.”
This time of year there is the ultimate consequence of not having all of our ducks in a row — our kids won’t have a magical Christmas. It’s actually an awful thing society does to moms this time of year, as if we don’t already put enough pressure on ourselves. Yet, scrolling through social media posts that refer to us as the magic makers, we are in it together and there’s validation in talking about the chaos of the season. Some posts even offer suggestions for how to combat all of the stress that ensues and remind us to give ourselves grace, and take a step back. But how? There is the internal struggle of wanting to take a step back but needing to feel the magic of the season, and believing our children’s childhood, moving far faster than we expected, relies on our ability to juggle it all.
And well, if we happen to accomplish all of the magic year after year, then it’s true. Moms are apparently the magic makers, the ones responsible for it all. So even if we are stressed and pushed to our max, at least we can be referred to as the Christmas heroes, also known as, “Supermoms.” And with that title, it all feels perhaps, worth it — theoretically anyway, if you like that kind title. I happen to loathe it.
So as I sat thinking about all of this pressure put on moms, I also thought about how ironic it is that the person actually credited with bringing all of the magic to Christmas morning is a man who sits back in his sleigh and enjoys a glass of milk and cookies along the way. When in reality, in many homes it is often a mom who probably barely scarfed down her lunch of cheese and crackers as she rushed from one meeting or store trying to another to get a few last things checked off her list before another holiday event. And on that magical Christmas Eve night, she probably doesn’t even get any milk and cookies as dividing and conquering probably means she sits wrapping gifts and making sure each one has made it in the correct stocking. Her significant other perhaps taking on the job of clearing the plate of milk and cookies, and tossing the carrots meant for reindeer off to the dog. Or is that just what happens in my house?
In most stories I’ve heard, Mrs. Claus isn’t even credited for getting the toys ready. She hands out a candy cane or two and it’s actually the elves who are credited with getting everything ready. In a popular film, the symbol of an elf is a rather tall man and that popular elf that sits upon a shelf also appears to be male. Where do moms fit in this story? Well, we are backstage.
Now, I don’t mean to assume there aren’t many dads who get involved in the spirit of the season and help create much of the magic. It’s true many do. However, it’s also true our society largely puts the pressure on moms to create the magic this time of year.
I am one of those moms, charged with creating much of the magic in my home. And don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love and embrace the magic of the season. I am not actually bitter about any of this. I enjoy selecting each gift and watching my children open each one with spread across their faces. And I love that they all still believe this year. In fact, I want my children to believe for as long as possible, even if that puts more pressure on me to keep it all together this time of year. Santa in his bright red suit is the tradition that I grew up with and seeing my children’s eyes light up when they talk about him and on Christmas morning when they see gifts under the tree, well it is magical. And it is worth preserving to me.
But thinking a little bit more about the magic of the season and how it’s really accomplished, it’s not actually the job a man in a red suit to create that magic. But it’s also not just up to me. I don’t create the magic of the season. Even together, my husband and I, can’t create the magic.
Just imagine if I told my children a story of a man who dresses up and heads out with his reindeer to fly to every house in the world, climbing down the chimney to deliver toys on a random day of the year. Would they believe me? They might after they received gifts. But for how long? How long before they started to ask even more questions than they already do? How long before they asked their friends questions? What if their parents didn’t go along with the story? Not everyone celebrates Christmas and yet everyone seems to understand preserving the magic and spoiling it for a child who believes. Without them all going along with this timeless story, perhaps the whole thing would be off.
Of course, receiving gifts from a character in a story would be special. But would it really be magical? Or would it seem more like birthday gifts, special, but not magical. Would this time of year be filled with all of the spirit of the season that extends far beyond the gifts? Would my kids really have that twinkle in their eye without the efforts of so many other people around them? Like the people who dress up as Santa and wave to them at community events. No gifts in hand but just a story coming to life. The family and friends who ask my kids about Santa and what’s on their list, indirectly asking my children what they are interested in and what’s important them, getting to know my children better. The decor and lights throughout the village that bring the spirit of the season as we drive by and point out another favorite character. The many events throughout the month of December in my area that help bring to life the story that I tell my children year after year. A story that many people help me support. The authors I’ve never met, who write the story of Santa and tell it in many different ways with countless lessons intertwined between the lines in the books my children and I read together this time of year.
And what about all of our traditions this time of year? The tree, the advent calendars, the cookie exchanges, the concerts, the visits with Santa, the holiday parties, and so many of the traditions that we hold that family, friends, and our community are all part of the magic.
Our church who brings magic through their music and through telling the story of Jesus Christ being born. Their lessons of the season teaching us about joy, peace, love, and especially, hope. The family who come into town every year with their own children who have that same innocent joy for the season that spreads magic infectiously through all of us. My kids have grown to associate Christmas not just with the arrival of a man in a red suit, but also their cheery cousins full of energy that adds to the delight of the season, that adds to the magic. The village who holds their annual holiday celebration complete with Santa, Mrs. Claus, reindeer, the Grinch, horse drawn wagons with jingle bells, stands filled with hot cocoa, carolers singing and community members handing out candy canes.
Yes, our traditions with family, friends, and our communities contribute to the magic. And we feel it most, when we pause. When we put down our lists and stop checking them twice. When we hold our children as carolers sing and we watch them fascinated by the lights.
So, society I wholeheartedly disagree. It is not just moms who brings the magic. Yes, my list is full this time of year but I’m not the entire reason my children and I feel the magic of this season. That twinkle in my children’s eyes is very much attributed to the village — to their dad, their siblings, their family, friends, neighbors, and community who come together alongside me to bring the magic of the season to life. It’s not just me behind it all. Realizing that has really helped me to pause more often, to hold my children in those magical moments and not dash through them. Realizing that has allowed me to give myself far more grace this year than ever before.
Because when entire families and communities come together to dress a man up in a Santa suit, decorate their villages, and bring a story to life about a man who delivers toys to children all over the world, it is a village that creates the magic, not just a mom.
In fact, I don’t have to do it all alone. I don’t have to be a superhero. And I can let go of a lot of the pressure. Because coming together, we all bring the magic of the season.
And that magic isn’t just for our children. Working together, we all benefit, experiencing the joy of watching children who still believe. That magic we feel this time of year, can be so powerful that many of us might almost start to believe in that impossible story about a man delivering gifts throughout the night, even if it’s just a little bit, for a brief second. That magic can truly captivate us all.
Yes, Christmas represents a beautiful example of the true power of the village to bring us together, to celebrate our traditions, which can lead to rippling positive effects, benefiting everyone from the very young to the very old. At Christmastime we come together, and we relish in the pure innocence of childhood. Their simple joys remind us of what’s important. And we know then, the magic isn’t all in the gifts and things on our to do lists.
So while I acknowledge a mom’s list this time of year is astronomical and we need to do better as society in not setting such unrealistic expectations. But I also want to reassure moms that it is not just up to us. Indeed you can drop a ball and still the magic of the season is still alive, if you look around you, if you believe in it. Often when we believe something is all up to us, if something goes wrong we might feel guilt and disappointment. But if we acknowledge all of the magic around us, if we really choose to see it, if we share it with our children, well then we know, we actually don’t have to have such a long list of things to do. We don’t have to make it to every holiday event. And we can find ways to make any gift under the tree special, even if it’s not the prized gift we initially thought we needed.
So look around you, and soak up the magic of the season with your children. It’s in the lights on your tree and covering the outside of your neighbors home. It’s in the music on the radio and the one caroling from the pews. It’s in the cheer of joyful faces wishing you Merry Christmas and it’s in the eyes of your children as they listen to you telling that magical story from one of their favorite books.
Moms, the magic isn’t really all up to us. And knowing that, I find comfort in knowing that when I drop a ball, there is going to be a safety net of people to help me continue the magic of the season. I don’t need to stress about every little thing to do this time of year. It is a change in my mindset that has brought far more peace this time of year. I have more to do this time of year than others, but the magic of my children’s childhood isn’t all up to me. It surrounds us.
And thinking about this, I realized the magic doesn’t have to end this time of year. The magic of the village does carry over to other seasons. That feeling we get at Christmas, that feeling that it is a magical season is a similar feeling that we get during other times when we feel support, when we watch someone connecting with our child and when we no longer feel alone or that it is all up to us.
That feeling can be found in examples such as when a family member or neighbor drops off a meal when your infant is a newborn or your family is sick, that feeling you get when someone provides supports and you know you aren’t alone.
That feeling when a grandparent or family member comes to spend the weekend or even a few weeks, pitching in with meals, household tasks, and childcare, just because they know you are overwhelmed. It’s that feeling of support, it’s that feeling of comfort in knowing it’s not all up to you.
It’s that feeling when a friend observes your toddler’s meltdown and steps in to offer a moment of calm and redirection by showing them a new book or birds flying through the sky, allowing you that much needed moment to find your own calm.
It’s that feeling when a mentor finds strengths in a teenager and promotes them, challenging that teen to channel their unique abilities into a community project or perhaps, a career.
Each of these examples representing the power of the village, in creating the magic of the season of childhood and the necessary support for families.
As I wrote my holiday card this year, I ended it by thanking friends and family for more support this year than I’ve felt since the birth of my first son. But you know what really changed? I communicated better what I needed as a mom. I communicated better with my spouse, my friends, my family, and my community. I talked about the benefits of strong relationships on my children and the reciprocating benefits on the adults who support them. I said yes to help. And after many lighthearted discussions with family and friends, I made a decision to prioritize my family’s relationships with the people in our lives who share in the belief that it takes a village.
So this week, some of the traditions that might have occurred at my house on Christmas Eve in years past will now be spread out through the week before Christmas. We will still have our traditions but someone else will take on some of the hosting this year and we will get to enjoy new traditions in their home on that day. And with family coming into town this week, there will be more mouths to feed — but more hands to feed them. A day that is busier for me, becomes an opportunity for someone else to provide a meal. And together, we will all benefit from the experience of the joy of watching our children experience the magic of Christmas.
So, moms, give yourself the gift this year of taking the pressure off — of speaking up against the supermom title. If you haven’t already begun, this is your year of building a village of support that surrounds you and prepares you for the magic of the village throughout the year. There are many people who are looking for the opportunity to help and feel needed, to experience the richness of childhood through a child’s eyes — even if they don’t know it yet. Because when we all believe in the village, we all experience the magic and the power of working together to raise healthy children which has rippling positive effects on all of us.
And if we can make children believe the story of Santa Claus, if we can feel it in our hearts as parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, neighbors, and communities, we can feel and believe in the magic of the village. And believing it takes a village, we can begin to build it throughout the coming year. It might not be made up of the people you once thought — perhaps it’s not grandparents and siblings. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t aunts, uncles, friends, and neighbors who aren’t willing to be there in their place.
As you travel into 2023, take off your cape moms and leave it behind in 2022. Because next year, the pressure is melting with the snow. It’s not all up to you. It takes a village. Your children need a strong relationship with you and with the trusted, safe adults you choose to surround them by. And together, we all create the magic of this season for our children and the seasons of their future — which can be far more calm and bright than we might have once thought.
Merry, Merry Christmas & Happy, Happy Holidays to you all!
