Have you ever really thought about the transformation women go through when they become moms?
In a single moment, a single breath, we are transformed from a young woman to a mother.
With often very little training and no prior experience, we are gifted a role that changes us forever. We go from being largely responsible for ourselves to providing nourishment, health, guidance and comfort to our children. Our priorities often revolutionize and many of us receive a crash course on multitasking — often eventually becoming experts in it.
This pure, instinctive metamorphosis from young women to moms changes us forever.
For the first few years after I had my children, I accepted that with the changes of motherhood came a desk that would never be clear, a laptop that would often be depleted of energy, and a to-do list that would never be complete. My beloved runs would be shorter, most of my holiday decor would never get unpacked, and the recipes I grew up making at holidays would be store-bought. Holidays, albeit very cheery, would also be full of meltdowns and chaos. The conversations I used to have once desserts were laid out — paused for at least a decade. I would also push pause on my career.
As life got more chaotic, I would tell myself I needed to adapt. Or was it the words I was hearing around me — that I needed to adapt?
Be more flexible. Go with the flow. Shed a layer, add another.
Becoming a mother has brought a depth and complexity to my life that never existed before — a transformation that added many layers to who I am and inevitably, exfoliated others. Perhaps those were the pieces of me that needed to go, in many ways I think becoming a mother made me into a better version of myself.
But did becoming a mom really change who I was at my core? The parts of me that make up who I am — all of my unique qualities and quirks, the values that I have built my life around. Did that change too?
I don’t think so.
Perhaps I couldn’t dedicate as many hours to writing as I would have liked — but I still performed my best work with an organized desk. Allowing the mess to infiltrate because I was a mom now — wasn’t working for me. I could add less things to my to-do list but having them checked off was still important to me feeling accomplished. Growing up, I used to organize my parents video collection like it was a library catalog — being organized is just who I am. When my desk is clear, my brain clears, making way for the thoughts that would eventually pour into this blog.
Realizing our styles are different and an organized desk was key to my productivity, my husband and I replaced the single desk we shared in our office with two smaller ones. His desk facing one side, is surrounded by stacks of journals that provide inspiration to him to read and challenge himself to be even better than he already is — but stacks of journals that once overwhelmed me.
My desk sitting across the room, cleared of its clutter most days, faces the opposite wall, overlooking our street. As I stare out the window, I watch our neighbors walk their dogs in the early morning hours and I can embrace each season as it changes — the crisp autumn leaves falling, the first snowfall, the tulips blooming, and the early summer sun rising. My desk, clear of distractions, now invites me to sit down and write.
The rest of my house might be full of chaos and disorganization from one day to another — I totally have a “Monica closet” (ok, maybe a few) — but my desk is the one space that remains relatively in order. Organized with pens where I can find them, a computer that stays fully charged, and a decor that feels refreshing, I can write.
I am also still that runner who only fully exhales once my sneakers hit that five mile mark. There is just something about that distance that recharges me and leaves me yearning to run farther, bringing me back to the years I ran competitively in high school and college. And the years that I trained for 26.2.
Over the years, long runs have provided me with countless opportunities to catch up with family and friends, explore new places, and problem solve the moments in my life that felt hard. Recently, long runs have given me the time to think about parenting struggles I have faced and to draft many of the ideas I’ve written for articles I will one day post on this blog. On the open road, you can find me dictating my thoughts and phrases into an email as I run. Those long runs are part of my core and I need to preserve them for as long as I can.
And at the heart of my core are the values that I aspire to teach my children each day — the really important parts of life as I see them. The core values with which I sometimes have to remember to slow down the pace of our life in order to focus on them.
I make more of an effort now to reflect on those core values. I am more intentional about how our family fills our days with what’s important and what matters — what leaves us feeling full without depleting us of our core.
Motherhood changes us in indescribable ways and as moms, we embrace the ups, downs, and twists throughout it. We facilely juggle and bend believing its tied to our success as moms.
But we also have to maintain our center. We have to maintain those parts of us that keep us from breaking when we bend. The pieces of us that keep our focus and remind us that we don’t need to keep adding in another ball to juggle. The pieces of us that cut ourselves some slack when we inherently drop one.
Being a mom is hard and our mistakes can leave us feeling vulnerable and insecure. But we are going to make mistakes — shedding a layer and adding another, while we navigate raising our children.
But we need the parts of us that help us rebound when we make mistakes, the parts that keep us feeling strong and confident.
I can be flexible and I can go with the flow — but I also need to preserve my core.
I’m not sure I would call it achieving balance in my life so much as maintaining my center when things sometimes wobble and shift around me.
So long as I have a few quiet mornings to write, a couple of long runs, and my little helpers eager to relish in our holiday traditions together each season — that young woman inside of me that I spent three decades maturing into is still within the layers I have added and exfoliated since becoming a mom.
While I hope you enjoy reading my posts, kindly be advised that the words in this article are not medical advice and I cannot guarantee that they will work for you or your family. They are my reflections on parenting my three boys, based on my own personal background and experiences. Always reach out to your own health professionals for any questions or concerns. Please read my full disclosure at the bottom of this site for more information. Very sincerely, Mamma P.
